Fear of Loss -- Boettcher Coaching

Fear of loss is a broad field. And it does not always look the same. The most diverse fears can shape it and be its origin. Every fear of loss manifests a little differently. Some people struggle with multiple facets that weaken them again and again, others with only one or two. The following phenomena often accompany the fear of loss:

The Fear of Being Alone

Are you afraid of spending a lot of time alone in the near future? Of being alone on weekends? Of feeling lonely even though you have enough friends? Then it may be important for you to learn to endure exactly that. And not just endure it, but also to feel truly comfortable doing so. If you use the time ahead to gradually transform your uneasy feelings into positive ones -- then you will discover that you can put this time to meaningful use -- and it may even become the most valuable time of your life -- because you are finally taking care of YOURSELF... (and then you won't feel alone anymore!)

Clinging to Illusions

Sometimes it is not easy to truly and honestly accept that a relationship is over. This is often the case when we did not want to face certain things within the relationship either. You can recognize this phenomenon by the fact that we often lose ourselves in daydreams or fantasies. Are your dreams and wishes close to reality?

Fear of Making Decisions

When a relationship is over -- but your ex-partner sporadically contacts you again -- thus disregarding the status of being separated -- then it is up to you to take a stand. What do YOU want? To become a plaything of these moods? To be available when the other person reaches out? And otherwise wait? Or to continue on your own path and pursue it -- without being distracted any further?

Fear of Rejection

In some relationships, we feel rejected and rebuffed by our partner repeatedly and disproportionately often. Either because this actually happens -- or because we are particularly sensitive and suspect rejection everywhere. How does this rejection feel to you? Does this feeling seem familiar? Have you felt this way often before? Have you known it, so to speak, "forever"? Then it may be interesting for you to know that this pain is an old pain from your childhood. In romantic relationships, feelings are often triggered in us that have accompanied us much longer than the relationship has lasted -- and therefore have much more to do with ourselves than with the relationship. Would you like to let go of these feelings?

Emotional Dependency

When we still cannot let go of our ex-partner internally after a long period of separation, somehow cannot move on because we are afraid that no one else can fill the void and loneliness that has arisen, then it may be that we have become emotionally dependent on this person. Further signs of emotional dependency can include:

when you suffered more from the relationship than it fulfilled you
when you undertook few other activities besides concerning yourself with your relationship
when you are or were excessively jealous
when you were constantly worried about your ex-partner's well-being
when your thoughts constantly revolve around your ex-partner and you have not found solutions to your problems so far

Would you like to free yourself from this dependency?

Fear of the Truth

Sometimes we cannot admit to ourselves that our last relationship was perhaps not what we actually wanted from it. That the love that should have carried the relationship was much smaller than we noticed or expected. Do you know the difference between being capable of a relationship and being capable of love? Do you know that people who have limited capacity for love are also less capable of relationships? What do you need to know to do better in your next relationship?

Fear of Having to Find New Goals

If you focus on what you have lost -- namely your last relationship -- then you could become sad and drained. If you focus on what else is important to you in life, what you have perhaps always wanted to do, what you could finally tackle now because the time seems to have come... then think about when you want to begin. And if you cannot do much with such thoughts about the future because you are still full of grief and pain -- then perhaps you can imagine that a time will come when you will ask yourself again: what do I want to make of my life now?! Do you know how to set new goals for yourself?

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