FEARS CONNECTED WITH SEPARATION
Separation is always scary ...
... because there’s so much to lose. In a separation, we not only lose our partner; we also lose many things that are part and parcel of a relationship. The longer a person has been in a relationship, the more there is to lose. The future we’d hoped to enjoy will no longer happen; friendship circles can be decimated; the family can be "destroyed"; money is tighter; the house is gone; and even your self-respect can suffer damage. So basically, we’re scared of all the unpleasant side effects of a separation.
If someone has a pronounced fear of separation, there are various aspects that need attention – starting with all the unpleasant side effects, which are sometimes (but not always) accompanied by low self-esteem, and culminating with the feeling of being alone, a feeling we don’t believe we can cope with. On top of all this, many of us have absolutely no inner vision for a happy future after a separation.
In some cases, people expect to feel great pain, and they feel completely at the mercy of this reaction. In an interview with Veit Lindau, which I conducted for my online conference, Veit explains why this pain is actually good for us: